Will the real Rebels please stand up?

Forget consistency between matches. This week it was more like split personality disorder at AAMI Park as the ‘bad’ Rebels seemed to take the field only to morph into the bloody great Rebels round about the 20 minute mark.

In the first quarter I thought they’d picked up right where they left off in Brisbane and the (many) Hurricanes fans in the crowd seemed intent on being the first to drown out the vocal – and much lauded – local support. However, I’m glad to say things couldn’t have turned out more differently.

There was no soft penalty to cinch this win. The Hurricanes scored three quick tries (a point a minute for the first 17), and then had to wait an hour for their fourth while the Rebels ran in six of their own.

The early Rebels – the bad ones – fell off a multitude of tackles, or went in too high and allowed strong players like Cory Jane, Victor Vito and Conrad Smith to stand in the tackle and get the pass away.

Fortunately things picked up, although the Rebels backline still seems to lack a bit of direction at times. They still seem to be looking for the elusive spark, and this victory really belongs to the forwards who scored four of their six tries.

I have to say this is the first game I can recall, ever, where the ref did not call a single forward pass.

Not because there weren’t any, because oh boy, there were a few – especially once the players seemed to realise that this ref seemed to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that we were playing RUGBY, which means the ball must be passed BEHIND YOU (must have thought he was at the AFL game across the road).

He was also slightly hazy on the ol’ off side rule. I tried to set him straight – numerous times in fact – but I’m not entirely sure he heard me…

Regarding the Hurricanes, I can only say that it seemed their grey jerseys just sucked the life out of them (I know the Crusaders never play 100% when they’re wearing their hideous grey strip).

They’ve never been the strongest team in the competition, mentally, and it showed. There are units within the side that play very well together, but it never seems to quiet carry across the 15, and I don’t see the ‘canes making the top six this year.

Another team who I think will struggle, the Chiefs, weren’t helped by another shocking night of rain in Hamilton.

The first minute kind of summed it up really. Delany, in his 22, slipped while attempting the clearance. The ball didn’t go far, just to Rene Ranger, who then knocked it on. Chiefs kicked it down field again, where Jared Payne couldn’t tidy it up. Liam Messam slid in for five points.

The Blues were unable to take advantage of very similar circumstances late in the second half, and, having turned down an easy three points, set about initiating a full five minutes of scrum resets … I counted at least six … before opting to go for the posts.

The second half began as the first had ended – with a scrum. Although this one was on halfway after the Chiefs re-start didn’t go the 10. Happened twice during the game and, in those conditions was simply unforgivable.

Now, after the excitement of the Rebels game (the only one I didn’t pick right this week I must add – although I still dropped 6,000 places L), I knew it was greedy of me to keep my high hopes for the Crusaders Sharks battle royale at Twickenham, but I’m glad I did ‘cos it was a CRACKER.

The first game of Super Rugby to be played in the Northern Hemisphere, and although we still had a southern ref, Kiwi come Aussie Steve Walsh who’d been on Six Nations duty the week before, this was the first I’ve heard called by completely neutral commentators (but former Crusader and All Black Justin Marshall did chip in and contribute a little antipodean flavour).

The BSKYB team seemed genuinely excited to be seeing this game live and in person and definitely had their favourites; Bismarck du Plessis, Dan Carter and Sonny Bill Williams. Although the way the game unfolded we certainly heard a lot more about the latter two than poor little Bismarck (I can only say that as I’m hundreds of miles away and he doesn’t know where I live).

The Englishmen described this as ‘gorgeous rugby’, and they weren’t wrong.

Willem Alberts benefited from something I’ve griped about in this blog before – the ‘not held’ vs ‘release the tackler / ball’ conundrum – but this was the first of four tries for the Sharks.

The Crusaders however seemed to be able to break the advantage line at will in the first half. The backs ran fantastic angles, hit the line at pace and, of course, SBW threw his miracle off loads. These were real team tries, Maitland, Carter, Fruean, Guilford, Dagg and Williams were all involved, and often.

It was great to hear the sounds of Dave Dobbyn, Split Endz and Supergroove echoing around the London ground as the Crusaders dotted down their five tries.

 All in all, an impressive day at the office. But the Crusaders will feel a little disappointed for letting in Potgieter for a gift five points a minute after their third try (Guilford's) and just before half time. It gave the Sharks a sniff and they came out with the momentum in the second half.

Blackadder's Party Mix

Well the Crusaders may have been churlish enough to spoil the party at Tony Brown’s … but at least they brought the lollies.

Here’s a sample of Blackadder’s Assorted Favourites:

·       Sean Maitland – Lemon (yellow)

·       Israel Dagg – Cherry Banana (yellow and red)

·       Dan Carter – Blackberry and Lime (black and green)

·       Robbie Fruean – Raspberry (red)

·       Andy Ellis – Strawberries and Cream (red and white)

·       Sonny Bill Williams – Apple (green)

·       Matt Berquist – Cranberry (red)

·       Zac Guilford – Bubblegum and Vanilla (blue and white)

·       Kahn Fotuali’i – Peppermint (white)

You figured out where I’m going with this? I’ll give you a hint … there aren’t that many forwards in the list above, why, because they seem to be the more traditional bunch and stick with good old-fashioned liquorice.

That’s it … the boots!

Now I know the Crusaders are far from alone in this arena – I’d hate to even try and come up with decent sounding flavours for some of the multi-coloured offerings from the Hurricanes (Corey Jane – purple and orange … ummmm…) –but they’re the only team I’ve taken the trouble to map out.

Now, some of you might chalk that up to my obsession with sugar, but I’ll leave it with you. The trend is definitely on the rise.

Anyway, it wasn’t candy (real or imaginary) that ruined Tony Brown’s homecoming at the House of Pain – it was rugby, bloody good rugby, and I’d better get back to it to it.

It was good to see an enthusiastic crowd at Carisbrook again – but I think the Crusaders next outing should have that atmosphere beat. The Sharks at Twickenham! Apparently there will be about 55,000 tickets on-sale so the Kiwi and SAFFA ex-pat and backpacker communities should have a field day.

In other news …. the less said about the Rebels v Reds the better. In fact … how about those Irish??? Huh? Huh?

The Sharks v Chiefs was hampered by feral weather. Sky Commentator Scotty Stevenson, who continues his run of Murray-Who-isims, put it best: ‘What should be a champagne game [has turned into] cask wine!’.

The Sharks discipline was incredible in the first half, absorbing massive amounts of pressure.

Both sides came agonisingly close to crossing the line only to knock it on. In the Sharks case, we can blame the weather. For the Chiefs, it just looked like a continuation of their past shocking form on this front.

Cue Scotty: ‘Is Ian Foster’s coaching box padded? …. I’m not suggesting he’s insane, just that he’s be looking to punch something.’

Well that’s me for the week. Apologies if it was slightly less coherent than usual, but I’ve just played my first game of Basketball in almost a decade and it feels like my entire body’s blood supply is still running round my head.

Rugby and Religion

There are a number of ways religion seems to make its way into rugby. All Black great Micheal Jones was renowned for his 'no games on Sunday' stance, a number of players have been known to point skywards after dotting down a try over the years, and for some - no no, I'm not pointing fingers - rugby is a religion.

But this weekend was something totally different. It seemed the entire Super 15 roster, across all conferences, had been to something akin to confession ... surely its the only explanation for the number of Hail Mary's thrown in the 5 games I watched in full.

Otherwise, we were witness to the birth of a new, debilitating condition - I'm calling it Sonny Bill Syndrome. 

Trying to emulate the league super convert, too many players are simply throwing the ball away rather than take the tackle. Calling some of these monstrosities 50:50 passes, the commentators were too kind. Not many players have the  requisite skill and / or timing to thrown the miracle off load and I wish they'd stop trying. 

S.B.S seems to have struck the Hurricanes and Chiefs particularly hard. 

The commentators called it 'a game of chess'. I have to disagree. The number of loose passes thrown around in this game would make a $2 hooker blush.

You got the feeling that whichever side managed to actually hold on to the damn ball would win the game. And it went down to the wire.

The Rebels / Sharks at AAMI Park was another close one, but this was much prettier to watch!

Now I made full disclosure at the start of the season about my previous support for the men from Durban, but you'll all be pleased to know I stuck to my guns and threw my support 100% behind my adopted team. True, I did wear a blue wig which made it easier to remember which side of the fence I was perched on, but that's neither here nor there.

The Age made a comment in Sunday's paper that there are in fact 2 Rebels teams, the Bad Rebels (think Waratahs and Chiefs) and the Good Rebels (Brumbies and Sharks); and I couldn't agree more. It's a bit like watching the French, you're not sure what you're going to get until you see them on the day - unless they're playing the All Blacks in a RWC Quarter/Semi Final. This is something the Rebels have to work on. 

Otherwise, they played really well. Yoda used the force and had the Beast's number at scrum time, the Rebels pack dissuaded the Sharks from setting up too many of their trademark rolling mauls, and - shock horror - Danny Cipriani showed he can actually run the ball.

The Sharks conceded their first (and second, and third, and fourth) try of the season and the Rebels could hold their head high in front of the 15,000 strong crowd. 

It was an impressive turn out considering the smorgasbord of other entertainment on offer in Melbourne on Friday night: The Moomba Festival, AFL NAB cup final, Melbourne Food and Wine Festival and ... wait for it ... Neil Diamond concert.

In other news. The Crusaders are looking increasingly comfortable in Nelson where they completely demolished the Brumbies.

I have to say though, as accustomed as I am to Crusaders starting their seasons slowly, I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with the way they are starting games slowly - although with results like these I can't really complain can I?

For the second week in a row the red and black machine had a fairly sloppy first half, but totally shifted gear in the second - doubling their first half score in the first nine minutes of the second.

Kudos must be given to Robbie Fruean for an absolutely stunning tackle. Chasing Adam Ashley Cooper half the length of the field, pulling him down less than a meter from the line and winning the penalty.

Stormers v Highlanders was, how did the commentator describe it 'Abrasive' rugby. These teams were feisty and happy to get physical. It was nice to see Tony Brown popping in for a cameo for the club he started at. But how the Stormers, with Bryan Habana and Gio Aplon on the park, have managed to go 2 weeks without scoring try is beyond me.

I must say, I kinda jinxed the Highlanders. I finally abandoned my 2010 prejudice and picked 'em. Of course they were going to lose.

Cheetahs v Lions. I must admit I cheated - watched it on x6 fast forward ... could almost hear the Benny Hill music ... but the sighting of a rare and endangered species made it all worth while. 

I actually saw, with my own eyes. John Mitchell. Smile!!!!

Speaking of endangered species ... I wonder how they managed to get the random fox which invaded the pitch at Twickenham before the England v Scotland 6 Nations match off the field? The ref got carried off, but I doubt the same courtesy was extended to the fox ...

Honour and glory

What do fine dining restaurants and rugby stadiums have in common? On the surface, not a hellofalot, but it's quiet obvious really ... they both (usually) have a very limited selection of beers for you to choose from and you end up with a choice between something you don't really like, and something you know will give your head something to shout about all the next day.

In case you haven't guessed it, I have a confession to make...

I went out this weekend so all my viewing time this week was courtesy of my good buddy IQ (since we are such good friends it probably deserves a name, but I don't want to breach trademark - besides, my GPS is already called Gary and some people look at me funny) - on Sunday arvo, so I haven't seen them all.

Gasp, shock, horror. Ok getting on with it now.

I started with the Crusaders vs the Waratahs in Nelson.

This was a very poignant setting. Relocated from AMI Stadium due to the earthquake, with (as the Crusaders had determined months ago to dedicate their first home game to the victims of the Pike River mining disaster) the team discarding their usual read and black in favour of the West Coast Rugby Union's red and white strip.

The Crusaders less than perfect (probably understatement of the century) preparation showed early on. handling was dodgy and Sonny Bill Williams threw a number of very iffy passes trying to force the offload rather than take the tackle and play the ball.

Last week, Rebels vice captain Gareth Delve was pinged for 'not releasing the ball'. This week, Big Brad Thorn played on - 'not held'- in almost identical circumstances, I think the players and referees are going to need some clarification on that moving forward, or there will be riots in the stands.

Unfortunately for the Waratahs, Daniel Halangahu left his kicking boots in Sydney and the Tahs were unable to turn Canterbury's mistakes into points.

Then, at around the 30 minute mark, the Crusaders changed gear. Robbie Fruean ran in an intercept try from half way and then combined with SBW for a second. Carter's fifth kick from five attempts sailed over the posts, against a gorgeous Nelson sunset and the stage was set for the Canterbury's dominance of the second half.

Waratah's perfect season over.

Then I turned my attention to the Rebels first game away from AAMI Park, and vocal support from the Rebel Army.

I'll be honest, I had - well not exactly high - hopes for the Rebels. I'm not saying I expected a win, but it would have been nice to come close.

I figured they'd have the momentum going in ... coming off a win and with the Chief's Rugby Park hudoo (not having won a game at home all season in 2010). The wet conditions looked like they'd help contain the Chiefs insane back line and the Rebels defense had been key in the win over the Brumbies, I thought they should at least have a shot ... not enough to pick 'em though ....

Umanga showed that the grand daddy of the comp can still mix it with the young fellas and played a very physical game - there was definitely some de-ja-vu watching his dreadlocked head coming up against Mortlock's bald noggin.

Which reminds me ... who needs Murray when we've got commentators like Matthew Cooper talking about all the 'nude nuts' on the park?

The Rebels missed Kevin O'Neil, the lineout was a mess, and league convert Jarrod Saffy seemed to be having trouble getting his head around the breakdown, pinged several times for not rolling away. So, lots to work on before next week's clash against one of the form teams in the competition.

Speaking of the Sharks ... their match-up against the Force was the last game of my personal triple-header ... one word ..... MEDIC ......

The attrition rate in this encounter was phenomenal!!!

Within the first 20 minutes, the two sides had lost four players. Mitch Inman's dislocated elbow made for some squeamish viewing, although the Force were made much more uncomfortable when his replacement,  Rory Sidey was red carded shortly after he took the field for a dangerous tackle which saw Sharks winger Odwa Ndungane carried from the field on a stretcher. Star flanker David Pocock also left the field with what looked like a bung knee after being bent the wrong way over a ruck.

In the second half, Sharks flier JP Pietersen hobbled off bringing an end to his interesting battle with 80's glam rock impersonator Nick Cummins (who's own game was cut short in the dying stages due to a late shot on Louis Ludik).

But somewhere in the middle of all that there was some rugby.

The Sharks scored four tries, but crossed the line six times. Poor Mvovo pulled back twice (once after a full 75m sprint) for the whistle. Bismark du Plessis lumbered over for a push over try that is fast becoming Sharks trademark, and personally, I think Pat Lambie won the battle of the 20 year old wunderkinds at Number 10.